


Day Six: Champange Taste, Beer Budget

by sparrowhaven



Series: Final Fantasy 14 Writing Challenge March 2021 [6]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: 31 Days Writing Challenge, A pinch of angst too, Dual WoL AU, Emet-Selch (Final Fantasy XIV) Being an Asshole, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:28:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29895618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrowhaven/pseuds/sparrowhaven
Summary: “Lara.”“I know, I know. I was stupid and just said the first thing that came to mind.”“Lara.”“But like, boy did that shut him up when I asked. Did you see his face?? Priceless.”“Lara.”“I shouldn’t be this satisfied about it butoh my godsI’m so pumped I could fight another Lightwarden.”“Lara, you invitedEmet-Selch–you know, theAscian that’s been bugging us on the First this whole time–to have dinner with us. If we don’t get murdered by him, we’redefinitelygoing to be murdered by Alisaie. After everyone else lectures us to death. The Exarch might even cry. I know he’s all mysterious and such but I get the feeling he definitely would if he found out weinvited an enemy to dinner.”In which the Warriors of Darkness have Emet-Selch over for anice friendlydinner.
Series: Final Fantasy 14 Writing Challenge March 2021 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190222
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Day Six: Champange Taste, Beer Budget

**Author's Note:**

> Due to the fact that this is an Alternate Universe and that there's two Warriors of Light/Darkness there is a further, very necessary addition. 
> 
> [Dovahcat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedovahcat/pseuds/thedovahcat) and I gave Ardbert a younger sister. Her name is Gwyneth. She's also a shade that wanders Norvrandt without being able to interact with anyone or anything.
> 
> Because of Narrative reasons, Ardbert and Gwyneth can't actually see or interact with _each other_ on their own.
> 
> Just thought you should know. :)

“Lara.”

“I know, I know. I was stupid and just said the first thing that came to mind.”

“Lara.”

“But like, boy did that shut him up when I asked. Did you see his face?? Priceless.”

“ _Lara._ ”

“I shouldn’t be this satisfied about it but _oh my gods_ I’m so pumped I could fight another Lightwarden.”

“Lara, you invited _Emet-Selch_ –you know, the _Ascian that’s been bugging us on the First this whole time_ –to have dinner with us. If we don’t get murdered by him, we’re _definitely_ going to be murdered by Alisaie. After everyone else lectures us to death. The Exarch might even cry. I know he’s all mysterious and such but I get the feeling he definitely would if he found out we _invited an enemy to dinner_.”

“It should be…well not fine but it should be okay. He keeps saying he won’t work against us and this will prove if he’s even a little bit trustworthy. We just…don’t have to tell anyone about it.”

“HOW? Everyone in the Crystarium knows everyone else and they’ll _definitely_ say something to our friends when they see the Warriors of Darkness having dinner with a tall guy with black clothes, white-and-brown hair and an extra eye on his forehead. It won’t even take a _day_.”

“And that’s why we have dinner with him in our room. He can teleport anywhere, we can have a very awkward meal, no one finds out and we’re solid.”

“…Our room.” 

“Yes.”

“Where the shades of Ardbert and Gwyneth hang out waiting for us when they’re not wandering because no one can see them except us and they can’t even see each other.”

“……look, you’re as aware of our record for good plans as I am. This isn’t even the worst one _I’ve_ ever come up with.”

“That’s…sadly true.” 

“…It’s okay you can say it’s a bad idea and I can try to come up with a way to say that we changed our mind without insulting him–”

“No, don’t.”

“Huh?”

“You’re right. For sure Emet-Selch’s not telling us everything, but…it’d be nice to know if he means it when he says he wants us to understand his point of view.”

“…Yeah. Even if it didn’t work out so well when we tried that with Emperor Varis.”

“Mmhm. Although, that reminds me…what are we even going to _feed_ him? He used to be an Emperor, he’s probably used to super expensive foods. We’re not exactly flush with gil.”

“I’ll…think of something. Improvisation is key to being a great Culinarian, as Chef Lyngsath says.”

—–

“This is a horrible mistake.” Ardbert leaned against the wooden countertop of the small kitchen of the room that Lara and Roger shared. He really didn’t need to, being intangible to all but Lara herself, but it was one of the few things that made him feel like more than just a shade. Besides which, he needed to showcase just how upset he was.

Lara rolled her eyes as she uncovered a pot and checked on the food inside. “It’s not going to be any less of a mistake the twelfth time you mention it. We just have to see it through.”

“And if Emet-Selch decides, as Ascians are wont to do, to forget about any promises he’s made and just kill you both while you’re at your most vulnerable?” 

“Well then we’ll see that through, too.” She set the lid back down, apparently satisfied with how it looked. “For now, though, I’m just going to focus on getting through dinner without any incidents. How’s the table looking, Roger?”

“It’s fine.” Roger muttered as he poked a finger into one of his ears. “Gwyn’s, uh, letting me know her opinion on our guest but everything’s set.”

Not for the first time, Ardbert felt a flare of emotion burst in his chest. A mixture of fierce pride and overwhelming sadness. For all that he couldn’t touch anything in this state, it seemed like any sort of feelings _within_ himself was all the more intense. Particularly when they involved his sister, Gwyneth. The one other shade that was similarly denied the ability to move onward when his friends had gone where the Oracle of Light had led them.

The one other shade he couldn’t _see_ much less detect, even while they stood in the same room.

Truly fate was set to reject _anything_ close to happiness for him.

Whether it was in response to his expression or something else, Lara snapped her fingers in front of Ardbert’s face a couple of times to get his attention. “Look, just pay attention to what Emet-Selch does and let me know if you notice anything–well, odd’s not the right word because he’s _all_ odd, but anything that might look like he’s about to kill us.” She then directed her voice in the general direction of the dinner table. “Same goes for you and Roger, Gwyneth! If he looks like he’s about to try something, be sure to scream or something.” 

“She’s sulking on the desk chair on the platform, actually, but Gwyn says she heard you the first time.” A snort left Ardbert’s nose before he could stop himself. 

His good humor died with the rapping at the chamber door.

Roger and Lara gave each other a look before he went to answer it. Against the advice of Ardbert (and from context clues, Gywneth too), both of the Warriors of Darkness were dressed in more casual clothing. As if they had set a time to sup with one of their Scion friends and not a being that was directly responsible for the chaos and misery plaguing all fourteen parallel worlds. He stomped over to a better vantage point as the door opened and Emet-Selch entered. 

The man’s pale yellow eyes scanned the room, taking in every detail even as they slid over where the shades were located. They lingered briefly on the platform where the two beds were positioned at opposite corners with the desk set up between them before settling on Roger. A slimy smirk tugged at his lips that made Ardbert want to smack him. “I see you’ve made do with what the Crystarium could afford to spare.” Every word that dripped out of his mouth had the tang of sarcasm. “There’s nothing quite like what you can find on the Source.”

Instead of taking the argument bait, Roger gave a one-shoulder shrug as he closed the door. “We take what we can get. It’s how adventurers work.” He walked back and offered Emet-Selch one of the actual chairs that had been provided to the Warriors of Darkness before making his way to a stool. The man sat and immediately slouched, crossing one leg over the other while folding his arms. 

“So what you’re saying is that your invitation to dinner was more akin to asking if I’d enjoy whatever vaguely edible scraps you could whip together. Perhaps I should leave before you attempt to poison this body of mine.”

“Yes, please.” Ardbert called out. “And don’t let the door hit your arse on the way out.” Lara bit her lip and _hard_ to keep herself from inappropriately laughing as she carefully plated the meal. Roger suddenly coughed, indicating that Gwyn had a similar comment.

“The invitation was a genuine thing, Emet-Selch.” She said lightly while balancing three dishes in her hands. “You said you wanted us to see your perspective, right? Well,” Lara set a plate in front of the man first. “In my experience, one of the better ways to discuss topics is over food.” She made her way over to the other side of the table and set the far more vegetable-laden plate in front of Roger before sitting down with her own meal. 

“So.” She smiled, but Ardbert could tell it was the kind that merchants used with customers. “We’ll start with pleasantries and see where it goes from there, just like any other person at dinner. And no, nothing is poisoned.”

A tense quiet fell over the table. Instinct more than necessity had Ardbert holding his breath. Eventually, Emet-Selch sat forward in his chair and took a couple of the utensils set out for him. With the ease and grace of one who had broken bread among nobles for decades, he carefully cut a small bite’s worth of the meal and ate it. After chewing for a moment and swallowing, he declared, “Not poisoned indeed. It seems you _do_ have some skill in something other than murder.”

Lara let out the breath that she’d been holding in something like a relieved sigh and her smile was somewhat more genuine this time. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

The rest of the dinner was just as awkward as expected. Emet-Selch spent far more time making verbal jabs at the lifestyle of the Warriors of Darkness and the quality of their friends than he did giving any useful information. He gestured quite a bit while he spoke, but nothing seemed to indicate that he planned to kill them with dark magics or summon sin eaters directly into the room to do it for him. Not that Ardbert ever stopped being alert to any potential danger.

When the meal was finished and he’d made to leave, Roger had the courage to ask why that was. He’d given a smirk and responded, “It’s far too much effort to explain a concept multiple times, particularly to those who wouldn’t understand it the first time.” He turned and gave a dramatic wave above his head as a violet portal opened ahead of him. “And for as novel as this dinner was, I’m afraid I must decline any future invitations. Until next we meet.”

Minutes later, the Crystal Exarch paid a visit and Ardbert had a much grander time watching the two stumble over themselves explaining what had happened as the older man chided them. They’d completely forgotten that he could see what Roger and Lara were up to through his mirror in the Crystal Tower.


End file.
